nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
