is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
