dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Green mimosas i think yes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
