I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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