Me. At least after what I've been through.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
