New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
