So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
