Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You took a bar mat shot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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