Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
