I am in a vortex of obligation.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
