I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
now i know why i became what i already was.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have fence marks all over my body
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