I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize