My Higher Power is John Stamos
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
