Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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