Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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