I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
