You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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