So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
