Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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