i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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