Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
