just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
