i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
