Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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