i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
