It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
