Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
