I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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