You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You ruined the universe
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
