hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
