My cat gives me a boner
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
