So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
