we have officially lost it.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
