If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
