Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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