I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
