she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
