is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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