I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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