Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
