Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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