i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
