working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
