He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
