You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sorry about my life...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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