I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
