idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
