Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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