This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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