hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
