Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
