He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
