can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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