Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize