My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
