Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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