I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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