I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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