I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize