She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The air taste purple.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
