a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
