Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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