I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
