can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
