Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
