did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
