I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
